Kill comparison with creativity
How old are we when we start comparing ourselves to others? Is it something we inherently do or are we taught to do it? I mean, I’m pretty sure it’s normal to notice our differences, but it’s entirely different when we start comparing ourselves.
Some of my earliest memories are of me comparing myself (or being compared) to others. When I was about two or three years old, I can recall being scolded. “Why can’t you hold your cup? Your cousin can hold her cup. Why can’t you hold yours without spilling your juice?” I know it happened because I can describe in detail what the linoleum in that kitchen looked like (I was starting down at it in shame after being compared to my younger cousin), despite being told as an adult that I would’ve been too young to remember that house at all.
I also remember comparing myself to my older sister (she’s such a better swimmer than me), my classmates (he draws horses way better than me) and myself (I did so much better on that test the last time). Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?
I’m not sure what’s worse: the comparison or the shame that comes along with comparing ourselves. You know, that voice inside that says, “you must be stupid” or “you must not be talented” or “you got a bad grade, so you must not be good at that.” That last one really happened: the one and only test I ever failed in all my years of schooling was in the third grade. I failed a music test and for the next 35 years I told myself I wasn’t musical. I even went so far as electing to take a woodworking class in junior high school in order to avoid potential humiliation should I opt for band. (The fear was real, friends.)
“You’re book smart,” people told me. So I opted for scholarly stuff rather than arty stuff. As I got older, I found myself saying things like, “I wish I could sing” or “I wish I could paint” or “I wish I could play a musical instrument.” When asked why I didn’t, I always just said, “Because I’m not creative.”
Somehow, I’d convinced myself that I didn’t possess the innate ability to do anything creative. Now that I think about it, it sounds so ridiculous! True, there are some people who come out of the womb insanely talented. But most have to learn, practice and hone their skills. Why didn’t I give myself an opportunity to learn to be creative?
Comparison! I was afraid of being compared to others who were better than me. It sounds trite, but it’s the truth. And to be honest, I don’t really think I’m alone here. Feel me?
A dear friend of mine keeps telling me that we’re all creative. We just have to learn to embrace it and stop comparing ourselves to others. It must’ve started to sink in, because I recently picked up the ukulele and can now strum out a few simple songs (I can even sing along to a few). I also voluntarily sang solo in front of a group of complete strangers at a recent yoga retreat. And get this, I attended an abstract painting workshop on my own the other night and came home with my first piece of artwork! (True, there was wine involved, which probably helped get the creative juices flowing. But I’ll chalk it up to wanting to break down that negative self-talk, let go of those old stories I told myself for all those years, get out of my own way and be in the moment.)
My artwork is no Picasso, and I’d be lying if I said a bit of negative comparison thoughts didn’t try to sneak in while I was looking at the other workshop attendees’ paintings. But at the end of the day, I got outside my comfort zone, I had a great time, met some awesome people and have proudly hung my artwork in our spare bedroom. The cats are really the only ones who sleep in there, but they fully support my newfound joy, creativity and desire to live in the moment.
